


Her Shepard

by 3trees



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: 3k words, F/F, Mass Effect 3, No Sex, Paragon Commander Shepard, ultimately a femshep/liara fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 16:47:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9194042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3trees/pseuds/3trees
Summary: After Liara meets Samara at the Lessus Ardat-Yakshi Monastery, she senses a connection between Shepard and the justicar that hints at more than friends. After finding out her fears are correct, she's unsure if Shepard can truly love her when there was someone else in her life during preparation for the attack on the Collector Base. However, a run-in with Samara herself gives Liara a different perspective.





	

Commander Shepard and her team prowled through the ghostly halls of the Lessus Ardat-Yakshi monastery. The commander moved forward without fear or hesitation, as if knowing that, no matter what, she and her team could face whatever lay ahead.

Liara T’Soni was less confident. 

The young doctor had an unsettling suspicion that the reason the Reapers had chosen this particular place was to use the Ardat-Yakshi for their forceful biotic power. Her stomach sank at the thought of facing one of her own kind that had been bastardized by the Reapers. But when she looked at the quiet, resolute strength of her Shepard, she knew she could keep moving forward. 

Her Shepard.

While it was true that Liara had not been able to quell the love she felt for the human commander for three years, she was unsure if Shepard felt the same way. Their romantic involvement with each other had certainly been prominent after the defeat of Saren, and Shepard’s untimely death at the hands of the Collectors had been almost unbearable for Liara. She was gone for two years before she rose from the dead and reentered Liara’s life like a whirlwind of adventure and pain. Every feeling she had repressed since Shepard’s death suddenly came rushing back in an overwhelming surge. Shepard telling her that she wanted to assist Liara in going after the Shadow Broker did not help the reaction to her staggering return. The two shared a passionate kiss after the Shadow Broker’s defeat, and the feeling of Shepard’s hot lips had been on Liara’s mind ever since. While Shepard had said that she wanted things to go back to the way they were before her death, her grounding after turning herself in to the Alliance had prevented them from speaking to each other until reuniting on Mars. They had taken things more slowly since then, but Liara knew that she was in love and she would be in love no matter how slowly they took things.

But her feelings had to be forced from her mind during missions such as these. She knew that Shepard would want for her to put the mission first, and the commander second. As difficult as it was for Liara to consider doing this, she knew it was for the best. And so, Garrus, Liara, and the Commander Shepard continued through the eerie monastery. 

As they went through the next door onto a balcony overlooking a wide, windowed hall, the team heard the telltale scream of a dying cannibal. Then, a calm and collected voice: “Very good. I almost didn’t hear you.”

Shepard’s eyes narrowed, then widened in recognition. “Samara.” The graceful justicar in crimson armor moved from the shadows below the balcony, her walk so elegant it seemed as if she floated across the floor. She was mature, cold, and unquestionably dangerous, and her presence commanded attention. Her voice was embroidered with competence and held no hint of doubt. She was ruthless, proud, and utterly exquisite. Liara was momentarily bewildered by her beauty, and then by the fact that Shepard recognized her. 

“It has been some time, Shepard. You are a most welcome sight. The corruption here runs deep.” Her voice had a maturity to it that only comes about with centuries of experience. Liara opened her mouth to question her presence.

“What brings a justicar out here?” Garrus asked, beating Liara to the punch.

“My daughters have lived here for centuries, Garrus. I have come for them.” Samara glanced at Liara; their eyes locked. Ice met cobalt in a moment that stretched across millennia as Liara was captured in her wintery eyes. Liara was suddenly a child again, immature and inexperienced in life and love, looking longingly at one who held more knowledge than she and somehow knowing she would never acquire such wisdom. Liara felt hypnotized in a way that she knew she was trapped, but didn’t care. Samara broke her intense gaze, leaving Liara feeling unsatisfied for a reason she couldn’t explain. “Unfortunately, the Reapers had already infested this place by the time I arrived.”

“Let’s go together. Maybe your daughters can tell us why the Reapers hit this place.” Liara looked at Shepard as she heard her offer of assistance. The commander’s attention was locked on the bewitching justicar. Her eyes seemed different than usual; they carried more than just recognition at seeing an old friend. They contained the same longing that Liara had felt just moments ago, except Shepard’s was a familiar pining. Liara had felt a longing for something she didn’t have; Shepard yearned for something she had lost. Liara inhaled sharply.

“I suspect they will have much to tell us. It has been centuries since I last saw them.” A rumble echoed through the dark halls of the monastery. “We’re out of time,” Samara said with a calm sense of urgency. “We’ll meet again. I will draw these creatures off.” 

“Wait!” Shepard called, but it was too late; Samara was gone. The commander turned to her team, eyes locking with Garrus and then Liara. The yearning in her steely gaze was gone, only to be replaced with the same determination as before. “Let’s go.” 

Shepard went ahead, leaving the two squadmates to follow. “Garrus?” Liara began tentatively as they followed quietly behind their commander. When the turian looked at her inquisitively, she continued, “How do you and Shepard know an asari justicar?” 

Garrus turned his head back to focus on the dark halls ahead. “Cerberus had a dossier on Samara back when Shepard was chasing the Collectors. When we found her, she was going after her Ardat-Yakshi daughter; this one was loose on Omega, not in a monastery. Samara and Shepard lured her into a trap and managed to take her out. Her dedication to that Code is certainly something. Killing her own daughter…I don’t know that I would’ve been able to do that.”

Garrus fell silent, concentrating on the crosshairs of his Mantis scope. “Yes…she’s certainly something,” Liara murmured, knowing that Garrus was no longer paying attention to her. She stared ahead at the woman she loved, wondering what happened on the Normandy while Liara was working as an information broker. But the mission came first and the commander second. Liara forced the doubt from her mind and focused on the mission ahead.

\----

Liara found her mind racing on the shuttle ride back from Lessus. The destruction of the Ardat-Yakshi monastery had included more than a simple bomb detonation: Samara’s daughter had sacrificed herself to perform a local detonation in order to save her mother and sister as well as Shepard’s squad. Shepard had narrowly prevented Samara from committing suicide; the Justicar Code would have ordered her to kill her last remaining daughter, and Samara’s death was the only way to prevent it. While Garrus and Liara had been frozen to the ground, Shepard had moved like a flash of light and suddenly had Samara’s arm pinned behind her back. Samara’s desperation had been apparent to Liara; despite her calm demeanor, the pain in the justicar’s voice as she breathed, “Let go,” was clear. However, Shepard’s resolve trumped Samara’s pain in the end. Her low voice conveyed a resolution that was not unfamiliar to Liara. But she wasn’t just trying to save a friend; she couldn’t be. The resolution covered another familiar emotion in Shepard’s voice: fear. She was afraid to lose Samara.

Liara tried to rationalize this; Shepard would be devastated to lose any one of her friends. Liara had seen this first-hand after Virmire. And yet…something still felt off.  
The click of Shepard’s harness release brought Liara back to the present. Cortez brought the craft down gently in the Normandy shuttle bay before opening the Kodiak doors. Garrus was the first to exit, and Liara went to follow when she felt Shepard’s hand, soft on her upper arm. It was the Shepard she knew and loved; even the simple action of touching her arm was gentle. “Could you come with me to my cabin?”

“Of course, Shepard,” Liara responded. 

“EDI?” Shepard called to the ship’s AI. “Set a course for the Citadel.” Liara followed her commander up to her private cabin, where Shepard began to shed her armor next to the bed. She was one of the only members of the Normandy crew who stored her armor in her cabin; she said getting battle-ready in the privacy of her room was an intimate experience for her. Liara stood awkwardly next to the fish tank, feeling somewhat like she was intruding on a sacred ritual while waiting for Shepard to say something. The commander popped the locks on her greaves and chest plate and pulled them off, storing them in her special holo-interface armor locker. Liara couldn’t help but let her eyes wander across the commander’s rugged and battle-scarred body; her broad shoulders, muscular arms, toned abdominals…Before she knew it, Shepard was standing in front of her in a black and red N7 sports bra and boxer briefs.

Liara shook her head slightly to come out of her stupor and shifted her gaze to Shepard’s face. “What is it you needed?” she asked. Shepard hesitated, shifting her gaze between each one of Liara’s cerulean eyes. 

“You were quiet all the way back from Lessus, and you wouldn’t look at me on the shuttle. I know you, Liara. Something’s on your mind.” Shepard pulled on her N7 hoodie and sweatpants before taking a seat on the couch and patting the seat next to her, encouraging Liara to join her. 

“You do know me, don’t you…” Liara said as she sat down, being careful to keep an open area of space between them. She stared at the coffee table in front of them and opened her mouth, and then closed it. Shepard stared at her patiently, expectantly. Finally, the asari spoke, still staring at the coffee table. “I understand that you were dead for two years. Then you came back, and everything was different. I was different. And I remember how close you get to those who follow you into battle. It’s so easy to feel so close to those people you have to trust to have your back. And we hadn’t seen each other in so long, neither of us were really sure where we stood…I wouldn’t have blamed you if…” She forced her head to turn and look Shepard in the eyes. “Were you romantically involved with Samara?” 

The question caught the commander off-guard. “Liara, I…” Shepard rubbed her hands on her face, no doubt trying to think of what to say. Liara’s heart sank; all hope of her rationalizations being correct vanished at those two words. “It was before we took the Shadow Broker base. We had a connection, but she turned me down. She’s pledged her life to the Code, it would have never worked. And she was right to turn me down, it was a moment of weakness. After we…reunited at the Shadow Broker base, I knew that you…” Shepard trailed off, trying to find the words. She turned to Liara, her eyes pleading for understanding. 

Liara knew that she ought not to be hurt by this revelation. They were estranged from each other for a considerable amount of time, and no fidelity clause really applied to the death and resurrection of one of the parties. And yet, the cruel sting of betrayal pricked at her heart, and a nagging suspicion that it wasn’t over between Shepard and Samara wouldn’t stop pestering her. “Excuse me, Shepard.”

“Liara, wait…” Shepard reached out to touch her, but Liara was already on her feet, walking briskly out the cabin door and into the elevator. By the time Shepard had made it to the door, the elevator was already lowering down to the crew deck. 

\----

Liara avoided Shepard until they docked at the Citadel to prepare for the next mission. She gave a curt nod and, “Commander,” as she passed Shepard to go to the elevator. She wasn’t trying to be petty; she just needed time to think. Liara figured that she could gain some time to herself at the Citadel Embassies, and hopefully listen in on the ambassadors’ political chatter while she was at it. But when she stepped out of the elevator and saw a familiar red-armored, frost-eyed justicar standing near the information desk speaking to an attendant, she knew she wouldn’t be getting any work done.

She had not noticed the shy doctor. Liara approached her carefully, as one might approach a dangerous animal, and said quietly, “Justicar Samara?” Finally, the elegant asari turned to face her. Their eyes met, and Liara felt herself becoming once again small and inexperienced. “Samara is just fine, Dr. T’Soni,” the justicar replied, her voice as proud and regal as the last time they met.

“Liara,” she corrected. A moment of silence passed between them; Samara could no doubt tell that there was more Liara wanted to say than just an introduction. Eventually, Liara mustered up the courage to ask, “Do you have time to talk?” 

Samara nodded. She walked to the large, clear window next to the elevator, Liara following behind. The justicar gazed out at the Presidium below, waiting in silence. Liara sensed that this was a woman who thrived in reticence and never used words unnecessarily. Thus, Liara thought through the words she was about to say very carefully as she looked at the picturesque Presidium. 

“I regret that I was not able to accompany Shepard on the attack of the Collector base,” Liara began. Samara remained stoic, barely showing any sign that she had heard Liara speak. “She truly was not expecting to return from the Omega 4 Relay. I had a job to do on Illium, but I wish I could’ve been there to help her…be with her on what might’ve been her last mission.” She turned her head and watched Samara. “But I am grateful that others such as you could do what I was not able to. I don’t know if she would’ve survived if you had not been with her.”

Samara took her time formulating a response. “Shepard’s mission was honorable. Even if I or the others had not accompanied her, I do not doubt that she would have gone through the relay and sacrificed herself to defeat the Collectors.” 

“I agree,” Liara responded. She paused, before adding quietly, “That’s just who she is.” Silence resumed between the two of them. Liara could not tell if it was a comfortable or uncomfortable silence; she found it difficult to get a read on the quiet justicar. 

After moments that felt like hours, Samara finally spoke. “Was there something other than gratitude you wished to discuss?”

“Yes,” Liara replied. She hesitated before continuing, “I would like to inquire about your relationship with Shepard. Specifically, during your time on the Normandy together.”

Samara did not seem surprised by the question. She had the unnerving quality of seeming to expect everything that Liara said. However, she did finally turn to look at Liara and met her gaze without shame or falter. “She expressed interest in me romantically. I’ll admit, I did not dislike her advances. The Code does not forbid romantic affairs, and I felt a similar connection to her as well. However, I ultimately refused her. I am already committed to the Code. Our relationship would not have met a satisfactory end.”

Liara absorbed Samara’s explanation, her mind processing it as analytically as possible. This was not news to her; Shepard had said effectively the same thing. And yet the confirmation still stung. “I see,” she said as moderately as she could manage. She didn’t know how to respond; she knew now for a fact that Samara and Shepard had shared intimate moments aboard the Normandy, intimate moments that might’ve blossomed into something more. How could Liara know for certain that Shepard didn’t still want something more?

The silence stretched on as Liara’s mind began to cave in on itself. Insecurities from long ago reared their heads and roared when she caught sight of Samara’s tall, graceful frame in her peripheral vision. Her body was something out of an immoral dream, and the low-dipped cut of her armor did not disguise that. And yet, despite the suggestive tones her physique implied, her matriarchal aura made her unapproachably cold. She was wise, regal, proud, and utterly perfect for Shepard’s noble disposition. 

Though Liara had matured significantly since Shepard rescued her from a krogan battlemaster on Ilos, she knew that inside she was still an awkward, demure young asari with little experience in the ways of the universe in comparison to the sage justicar. How could she ever compete with Samara?

Samara spoke again, sensing the doubt rampaging through Liara. “Whatever might have been between Shepard and me is no more. I could never be what she’s looking for. She is a woman with a great responsibility placed on her shoulders. She needs someone who can be an immovable object to support her when she can no longer stand against her adversaries. I cannot be that. I am bound to the Code, completely. I cannot guarantee that I could be with her when she feels she cannot go on.”

Liara’s lips parted inadvertently. She could tell that these were not words that Samara said lightly. The matriarch continued, “I do not look at Shepard the way you do, and Shepard does not look at me the way she looks at you. In the little time I saw you two together, it is apparent to me that the connection you share cannot be rivaled.” The corners of her exquisite lips turned up, the first time Liara had seen her smile since they’d met. She turned and met Liara’s gaze again, her eyes no longer cold ice chips. They reminded Liara now of the dancing snow on Noveria, swirling with laughter. “Besides, how could I compete with one who’s an accomplished anthropologist at only the age of 109?”

And for the first time since Lessus, Liara laughed. She felt the doubt lifting from her, replaced with a profound love for the brave and gentle commander she’d met only three years before. How silly she felt to have tasted jealousy in the midst of a war such as this! And yet, everything Samara had said was true; she knew that she would be there for Shepard at a moment’s notice, to make her believe in herself the way Liara believed in her. She’d make sure Shepard never stopped fighting to stay alive. And she knew now that Shepard’s warm lips, her soft skin, her tender touch, belonged to her. Shepard, in her entirety, was hers.


End file.
